Diablo's a girl!
by RedLady
Summary: It is discovered through substancial evidence that the evil demon known as Diablo is in fact female as opposed to the popular belief that Diablo is male. R/R. But be forwarned. Not your typical fanfiction.


So you thought the title was a little interesting, seeing that you never thought the gender of our famous demon Diablo was anything but male. Or maybe perhaps you thought his gender was neuter. I welcome you to this wonderful little story thingy I wrote, and even though you may be a little . . . um . . . weirded out, I hope you will enjoy it anyway. By the way, in case you never knew it, which I hope to God you did, I don't own Diablo or Diablo II. I wouldn't even put a disclaimer because I figure you are not brain dead people, but just in case some one tries to find a way to find me and sue me, I'm putting that here. Now without further adue, here is the story that you probably clicked on the title to actually read. Need I tell you to please review? No? Ok. Go ahead and read. (Like I need to tell you to!)  
  
  
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Diablo's a girl!  
  
Interview done solely by RedLady the author of this fanfic.  
  
  
  
RedLady-Welcome to the Sanctuary news. I have just received a shocking news story of the millennia! Most of you have probably been misinformed to the fact that the three prime evils are of male gender. Though we have never actually looked to see if they have male or female genitalia, we have one witness who has defeated the three and is our witness in this shocking news. Joining with us now is the Barbarian who has defeated the three evils. He is simply known as Barb, short for Barbed Wire.  
  
Barb, when did you discover this shocking news? Tell us your story.  
  
  
  
Barb-I didn't figure out that the three prime evil dudes were girls until I fought Diablo. By then I had killed that ball-of-light dude named Mephisto. There was no question in my mind that he might not be a guy and I really didn't have time to wonder because . . . he was trying to kill me. Basically he was busy sporting these tentacle things sort of like Tyreal. I guess Tyreal was setting a trend or something but I didn't have time to ask him because . . . he was trying to kill me. Even when I tried to talk to him he just kept mumbling "You're too late. My brother's have escaped you. Hah, hah, hah, hah!" Most definitely not the talkative bunch of the family.   
  
RedLady-What happened when you met Diablo?  
  
Barb-Now that's a whole 'nother story. I was breaken them seals and such so to wake Diablo or whatever. Then his voice boomed in the air saying "Death can not even save you from me." And here I was, shaking in my loin cloth all scared that if I died I wouldn't be able to resurrect myself again. I tiptoed around the corner with an pike in my hand ready to release a storm of pointy sticks upon him when I caught sight of Diablo! He looked . . .  
  
  
He looked . . .   
  
He looked . . .  
  
RedLady-What!  
  
Barb-He looked . . .  
  
Like a girl!  
  
Complete with a hair bow and pink Sunday dress. I was completely shocked I just stood there and suddenly yelled "DIABLO'S A GIRL!" He even had a little dolly in one of his monster arms.   
  
RedLady-What did he do then?  
  
Barb-Well he, uh hum, she simply ignored my little outburst and began doing all these nifty fire spells that hurt like a mother, but I still lived . . . through most of it. I did die once when I tried to take a potion and it was too late. So once again I raised myself from the dead by pressing the escape button on the gateway-to-heaven keyboard. I guess even Diablo couldn't mess with that! I went through the portal I had left before and again walked up to Diablo to find him/her SEWING!  
  
RedLady-Sewing!  
  
Barb-Yes. I walked over to her and asked, "What are you doing?"   
  
Diablo looked up at me sheepishly I think. It's hard to distinguish any feature be side's anger on a demon's face such as Diablo. Or would that be demoness?   
  
RedLady-What did he, she do?  
  
Barb- She held up this strange garment with a lot of holes and said in a voice I would not have ever imagined would belong to such a demon,  
  
"I'm sewing a shirt for Baal! It's even Baal's favorite color!"  
  
RedLady-What color was it?  
  
Barb-It was a bright Sunshine yellow with four arm holes on each side of the shirt. It wouldn't have fit any regular human. I guess that is why Baal had to have them "specially made" by his sister or something.   
  
RedLady-So what happened then?   
  
  
Barb-I said to Diablo, "Um aren't we supposed to fight?"  
  
"Oh yes." Diablo said menacingly. Then put the shirt and sewing equipment in this cupboard that appeared out of nowhere and then it disappeared back to now where.  
  
After being chased by Diablo who was squatting and jumping around like a gerbil, I managed to finally kill her. It was a hard thing to do, but she finally died. Gave me a couple of good items as well. : )   
  
RedLady-Then you fought Baal?  
  
Barb-Yeah. He somehow made a duplicate of himself. Or I should say herself because I suspect Baal may be a girl too with the amount of jewelry she/he/it was wearing.   
  
RedLady-Baal was wearing jewelry?  
  
Barb-Yeah. On each one of her little tentacle/arm thing. Plus Baal had her nails painted as well!  
  
RedLady-What!  
  
Barb-Each one of her little finger things had red paint on it. Or it could have been blood. I guess that doesn't prove much of anything since I once heard that demons like to decorate themselves in blood.  
  
Well anyway, I started fighten them and running away. Some how Baal and his duplicate could make these tentacle things come out of the ground. Very annoying little buggers. I died a lot while fighting them, yet still I was able to simply press escape in heaven.   
  
While we were fighting one time Baal yelled "STOP!" I looked at Baal oddly and time itself seemed to stop.   
  
"What's wrong?" The Baal duplicate asked.   
  
"I broke a nail!" Baal said holding up one of her many fingers. Indeed the nail was, um broken. Actually I believe her whole finger was broken due to one of my attacks, but we won't mention technicalities here.  
  
RedLady-And did you kill her?  
  
Barb-Yeah. Finally. It took a long time though. She was strong even if she was a girl. It was hard. I think I died so many times that I lost count, till I finally killed her and her duplicate.   
  
RedLady-And now the world is saved thanks to you, hero.  
  
  
Barb-Oh it was nothing. I mean I'm actually not too proud of killing them girls, even if they was demons.  
  
RedLady-What are you saying?  
  
Barb-I'm just saying I believe I would have found much more satisfaction killing boy demons instead of girl demons.   
  
RedLady-Do you think girls are weaker than boys?  
  
Barb-No. No. Of course not. I've met a couple of girl fighter's in my day. Like this Assassin, Amazon, and a Sorceress.  
  
RedLady-Ok. Do you have anything else to say about your fight against the Prime Evils?   
  
Barb-I say you can never be too prepared. I say you always got to expect the unexpected. Oh yes. Never break a demons nail. They get very angry.  
  
RedLady-Now that you have saved our world, what do you intend to do next?  
  
Barb-Well I hear that there is some strange portal that has opened up in the Rogue Encampment and that some sort of satanic mooing can be heard coming from it. I guess I'll go there and see what's behind the portal.  
  
RedLady-Well thank you Barb. Good luck on whatever you'll encounter next.   
  
Barb-Hopefully whatever it is will be male. I'm tired of fighting girls!  
  
RedLady-Thank you for your interview.   
  
Now we are joined by someone quite special who can answer our questions on the gender of the prime evils. We are joined by none other than Tyreal, the great angel who has helped some to stop the destruction of man.  
  
Tyreal is it true that Diablo is indeed female?  
  
Tyreal-Of course it is, mortal. I used to date Diablo before she turned evil. After that she didn't want anyone to know she was a girl so she started posing as a male so others would be more frightened of her. Seeing a Diablo with a doll in her hand didn't go to well with the mortals, so she grew herself some scales, which she obtained from Andariel her lover at the time.  
  
RedLady-Diablo was gay?  
  
  
Tyreal-Turning evil does cloud one's judgment. I could have made her a fine husband. But instead she chose the path of the darkness and ran off on me when I wouldn't leave my job. She didn't stay with Andariel though. Her siblings Mephisto and Baal made sure of that. They set her strait. After that she was single, but wasn't a real pretty sight to look at.  
  
RedLady-This is really quite interesting. I didn't even know angel's were aloud to date. Tell me though, are all the prime evil's female?  
  
Tyreal-It can't really be said for certain. They have a habit of possessing other people's bodies and changing shape. It can be proven that Diablo was born a female, but the other's I can not be certain. I only wanted them confined to their soul stones with no question's asked because they were a bad influence on Diablo. They were the reason she turned evil in the first place.  
  
RedLady-Would you say you love Diablo?  
  
Tyreal-I used to, but not anymore. Sad to say, I could never love a demon and we have fought many times after she turned from the light.   
  
I'm sorry but I must end this interview now. My mother calls me . . .  
  
RedLady-Thank you oh great Tyreal. Now we are joined by none other than the great Deckerd Cain.   
  
RedLady-Cain, what do you have to say on the Prime evils being female?  
  
Cain-This is shocking news indeed. I always envisioned them as powerful male demons. It never once crossed my mind that perhaps they could be female.  
  
RedLady-Does this news change your view on the three evils?  
  
Cain-Not much. Andariel was female yet she was still evil and needed to be destroyed. The same can be said of Diablo and his brothers.  
  
RedLady-Thank you Deckerd Cain. Do you have anything else to say on the subject?  
  
Cain-Just that I can now die in peace knowing that the world is safe from Diablo and his, er her brothers/sisters/siblings . . .whatever.  
  
RedLady-How old are you anyway?  
  
Cain-Eh heh. I lost count a hundred years ago. But it doesn't really matter, because my time on this world is through and Tyreal has promised me a nice place in heaven. (dies.)  
  
(Deckerd Cain was slain by . . . death.)  
  
  
RedLady-Well that concludes or story for today. Once again the world is safe from the Prime evils whether they be male or female. This shocking story could perhaps ruin many religions and some may simply chose not to believe it. Now as a viewer it is up to you to decide. What do you believe? Was Diablo a girl or not? Join us after Deckerd Cain's funeral to learn more on the subject at our seminar, "Is Diablo a girl?" or visite our website at: www.DiabloIsAGirl.com  
  
  
  
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I would like to thank Adro13 for his ideas on this. Also if you like to flame me, so be it. Diablo, Mephisto, and Baal have already made a little bomb fire in my honor, so if you would like to add your own logs or lighter fluid to it, go right ahead. We're gonna have hamburger's, hotdogs, and s'mores tonight baby! Plus we're gonna have fun dancing around it singing like Indian people and howling at the moon. Instead of refueling the fire, perhaps you would like to join us instead. : )  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
This is posted for a limited time only . . . 


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